Casualties List Update

Because today alone there are twelve new names added to the Casualties list, I ask everyone to peruse the list and keep their families and friends in your thoughts and prayers.  Thank you.

Finalist for U.S. Military Parent Blogger's Award

We are honored to have been selected as a finalist for a blogger's award for the Best U.S. Military Parent Blog as part of the 6th Annual MilBlog Conference.  If you enjoy reading our blog entries, please go to the 2011 MilBloggies site at:  

VOTE HERE:  http://milblogconference.milblogging.com/2011-milbloggies/vote-now/

Scroll down to the division called Best U.S. Military Parent Blog and click Vote Now!  We are listed on the bottom of the ballot.  Please share with others you know that enjoy My Yellow Ribbon.  Winners are announced Friday, April 29.  The highest vote getter for all divisions receives the Fan Favorite Award.

Tyler, his Dad and I thank you for all of the positive feedback we have received.

Please also vote for Red Bull Rising, a site I follow closely and from which I share articles frequently.  They do a great job of keeping us all informed.  They're under the Best U.S. Military Veteran Blog, top of the ballot.  Thanks.

A Tough Week for the Iowa National Guard

Everyone -- soldiers, families, and friends alike -- knows going into a deployment that there are great risks to the soldier.  There are physical risks, psychological risks, and risks of fatality, as well as others I'm probably not even aware of as a mother.  As much as one prays for it not to happen, it does.  It's inevitable.

Almost all Americans have become complacent.  We've become disconnected from both wars --  immune to the casualty reports, if and when they ever get reported in a public forum.  That's one of the most important missions I have with the blog, to help people put a face on the war, to help people develop a personal connection, and to help people understand through Tyler's and my eyes what soldiers and their families experience.

Spc. Brent Maher

Two Iowa families dealt with the ultimate sacrifice this week.  First, we learned on Tuesday about the death of Spc. Brent Maher from Council Bluffs who was serving with the 1-168th Infantry Regiment, Iowa National Guard.  Spc. Maher died April 11 in Paktia province, Afghanistan, of injuries sustained when enemy forces attacked his own unit with an improvised explosive device.  I learned of his death through my nephew, Gabe, who had served with Spc. Maher.  Gabe spoke very highly of him and shared with me a photo of Spc. Maher carrying Gabe on his shoulders.  Gabe's comment indicated that Spc. Maher was a very strong soldier who served his country in an exemplary way.  As a mother of a soldier, of course the death of any soldier hits home, but it becomes even more meaningful when it affects those you love.

As an aside, yesterday (April 13) was my birthday.  It was a great birthday with the only thing missing being my older son, Tyler, 27, serving with the 1-133rd, Iowa National Guard, in Afghanistan.  We are able to chat nearly every day on Facebook which relieves my angst.  I was delighted earlier in the week when he called, something that rarely happens.  So I didn't give it a lot of thought when we didn't connect at all on my birthday, but it did register with me that he hadn't posted anything on Facebook either. Just before going to sleep late last night I noticed that he wished me happy birthday on my Facebook wall and he apologized for not sending birthday wishes earlier because they hadn't had internet access.  And he phoned Thursday morning (April 14) and woke me up at 6 AM to give me official birthday wishes.  It was in retrospect this afternoon that I realized he hadn't had internet yesterday because all communications cease (internet and phone) upon word of a casualty.  They do this to avoid rumors spreading like wildfire and to ensure that the family is appropriately notified in the official manner and not from other soldiers, families, or the media.

This morning just before noon, I saw a "breaking news" article posted on the Des Moines Register website that Iowa had lost yet another soldier.  It's a punch-in-the-gut feeling as a parent to receive first word of an Iowa casualty.  It's that immediate inspiration of breath, holding it until you know it's not your child, and then breathing a sigh of relief when it's not.  The parents of Spc. Donald Nichols from Shell Rock, Iowa, didn't get to breathe that sigh of relief today.

Spc. Donald Nichols

As I was eating my lunch in my office today shortly after reading the article, my cell phone rang, about which normally I give little thought.  But today, the name on the caller ID was the leader of the Family Readiness Group (FRG).  I knew this would not be good news.  The phone tree had not been activated during this deployment thus far so this was my first experience.  The caller introduced herself in a polite yet regimented way and read the carefully prepared script.  She informed me that there had been a death in our unit, the 1-133rd, and that she was calling to let me know and that the soldier was not my son.  While so very thankful my son was fine. my heart ached for the parents of Spc. Donald Nichols.  Spc. Nichols died in Laghman province, Afghanistan, of wounds suffered when insurgents attacked his unit using an improvised explosive device.

I'm sure many people think that the parents of deployed soldiers shed tears often.  Really we don't.  We do worry, wish, hope, dwell, anticipate, wait, and most of all pray that our children return home safely in body, mind, and spirit.  We move from one day to the next by dealing with emotions as we must, most often "brushing them under the rug" so we can go to work, interact with others, and complete our daily tasks.  But today, I hung up the phone and I cried.  I cried because the phone call made it real.  Very real -- real in the sense that our children there are all vulnerable and never safe.  I cried for Spc. Nichols and his parents and I cannot begin to comprehend their experience.

If you're reading my post, I ask you to consider my mission, that is to help put a face on the war.  Imagine yourself in the shoes of a parent, sister, brother, or child of a fallen soldier.  Remember them.  Thank them.  And embrace them when they come home.

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The Iowa Troop Pantry is holding a benefit for the families of both soldiers on Friday, April 15, at the Fish Fry at Regina High School in Iowa City from 5-7 PM.  Donations and letters to the families are being accepted at the benefit.  To contribute, drop off at the ITP Bake Sale Friday during the Regina Fish Fry or mail to Iowa Troop Pantry PO Box 3032 Iowa City, Iowa 52240.

Adam Eilers Benefit Information

I began the week thinking about what positive things I could do for the family of Adam Eilers, a soldier that was injured in Afghanistan on February 21 when insurgents detonated a bomb near their armored vehicle during a combat patrol. Others injured soldiers are Pfc. Andrew Zimmerman, of Camanche, and Spc. Caleb Redell, of Erie, Ill.  I originally wrote about his benefit in early March (Update on Injured Adam Eilers/Donations Accepted) and have wished that I could provide updated information on his progress, but haven't found a site with this information.  If any readers know a link where this information is posted, I would be most happy to provide a link.

I recognize that many of the visitors to My Yellow Ribbon arrive here by searching for "Adam Eilers Benefit" due to the fact that I advertised earlier.  Because there are so many interested in donating, I am re-posting the information about the event and how to donate to his benefit fund.  I saw a post on Facebook advertising the benefit and I told the organizers I would spread the word via My Yellow Ribbon and encourage donations to the benefit fund.  Adam is a member of my son Tyler's unit the 1-133rd. 

Donations may be made to:

     Adam Eilers Benefit Fund

     Garnavillo Savings Bank
     P O Box 100
     Garnavillo, IA 52049

DETAILS OF THE BENEFIT EVENT:  Saturday, April 23, at 4:00 p.m. at the Lakeside Ballroom in Guttenberg. Dinner will be served 4-8 p.m.: Hog roast, potato's, salad's. Dessert provided by the ladies of St. Paul's Church-Garnavillo.  Other items:

• BAKE SALE...please have your items on disposable wear, saran wrapped, priced and at the door for set-up by 3 p.m. All donation's are welcome!

• LIVE-AUCTION will begin at approx. 6 p.m. Many home-made items, LOTS of wood-working items/home-made items, blankets, water-fountain and a SET OF IOWA FOOTBALL TICKETS (Homecoming Game)!!!

• DOOR PRIZES- YOU DO NOT HAVE TO BE PRESENT TO WIN!!! Drawing will be done during the break's of the band. Some items....Guns, television's,cooler's, pictures, beer sign's, many, many gift basket's of items, lots n' lots of gift certificates, Toby Keith CD, Leather coat, lots of shirts, coats, hats, koozies, 2 "Waste Management" trucks, wine baskets, hair product baskets, and many, many more items!

• JUST ADDED: There will be a silent auction!! We've been over-whelmed with donated gifts! Something for everyone! We live in a wonderful community where everyone comes together!
  
• 9 p.m.-1 a.m.-Music provided by BAD HABITS! 
  

* Donated items are being accepted.... a list of contacts will be posted soon. If you have items and need them picked up, just call! In the meantime you can call Misty Troester at: 563-880-3057.

You Give Me

For the last several weeks I've been asking Tyler for an email update since they seem fewer and far between as he journeys deeper into his deployment.   This morning I awoke to this note from him, a note which carries a different tone than previous ones, but also reflects his heartfelt feelings after some frustrating moments and experiences.  

I wondered what the next email would be like when I read a recent Facebook status update Tyler had posted earlier this week, "Dear Folgers, you truly are the best part of waking up, but unfortunately most of the time you're just the best part of my day in general.  Don't let it go to your head, this place isn't that great."

This email was posted with his permission.

 

* * * * * * * * * *

2 April 2011

Dear Mom and Dad,

Not all days and experiences are positive here. Most of the emails you've read from me have had an adventurous tone with a positive message. While I try to be positive, I’m not going to hide the negative aspects of this country. This isn’t the happiest email, and mom please don’t change it at all, it’d be censorship to do so! I’m only referring to language and undertones. If this were a paper for a class, I’d entitle it, “You give me.”  Positive attitudes aren’t always possible.

Well we're into the ninth month of deployment, and although everyday seems to be exactly like the last, each day presents its own challenge. Most recently, that challenge seems to continually be 'frustration.' Frustration with being bored, frustrations in the gym, frustrations with trucks dying on the road, but perhaps the worst frustration is landing on the very people we're here to help. There are cultural misunderstandings on both sides of the road, and that will always exist, but sometimes it reaches a boiling point.

I’m not opposed to handing money to someone in need on a street corner, but I’m not going to be an enabler to somebody who is entirely capable of work. The mindset “ask and you shall receive” seems to sometimes be taken entirely too far here. We partner with various Afghan agencies, and I realize that their pay is far less substantial than ours, and I realize that our resources are more easily accessible than theirs. We Americans are looked at as bottomless money pits. Everyday we are asked for cases of water (by people who can get it for themselves), the Afghan food that we pay for out of our own pockets (at an amount hundreds of percent higher than what they pay, simply because we can), chocolate, our own gear, and even just MONEY. The sense of entitlement is SO high here, it’s offensive. It would be different if they couldn’t get the same things, but they’re too lazy to do it for themselves.

I’m appalled by that mindset within our own borders, but to be hated for being American, and then have those same people beg me for my belongings because I have them annoys me to the point where my actions are not typical of my personality. I have lashed out in anger at Afghan soldiers for the things they ask me for. I have cussed out men older than me for wanting to take my belongings. We are scorned by many Afghans for being present in their country, but they want everything from us. When they want to rob their own people of money, it’s their country and we’re not to get involved. When they want to live in a lawless society, and live in pure chaos, it’s their country and we’re not go get involved. HOWEVER, when something needs to be done, such as getting out of bed to go fix a generator at 10 at night, giving them fuel to run things our country paid for, build their complexes, or fix their country in some manner, then they tell us it’s OUR responsibility.

On my first day in charge at the Torkham gate, I was approached by the same Afghan agency that once put 25 AK’s in my face, and was told that there was a semi truck on fire in the customs yard. A fully grown adult man in charge said to my face, “If you don’t put out the fire, all of Torkham will burn, and it will be your fault for not putting out the fire.” I responded by saying “Well, I’m not a (expletive delete) fireman, so we’re all screwed, you put it out,” and I walked away. He wasn’t lying, there was an entire semi on fire, but I will not be bullied into performing their responsibilities. I later asked that man “What are you going to do when we’re not here?” What are these people going to do when they're not permitted to be lazy about the foundation of their own country.

The cycle will continue with every unit that rotates in here. They will take advantage of our generosity, the unit members will get fed up, quit enabling them, and the next unit will show up and do it all over again. It isn’t ALL Afghans, that would be ignorant to say, but it is a mindset held by many. One agency does not have that attitude, and if every Afghan was like them, their country would be generations ahead of where they are today, and I don’t know how that message could be spread. Our linguists don’t have that mentality either. I think that comes from learning our culture, and ‘work for what’s yours’ attitude, but this is pretty much an ENTIRE country on welfare, and they’re all waiting for their next handout.

Like I said, it’s not the entire population, and perhaps many people would be offended by what I’ve said here, but I tell these people exactly what I’ve written. I tell them that their country will never progress with their general attitude, and someday they’re going to have to do things for themselves – I hope. An Afghan soldier doing wrong argued with me when I stopped him yesterday. For the first time I finally said, "You do whatever you want, its your country not mine." He said it was shameful for me to say this to him, but his logic ran out when I pointed out that what he was doing was far more shameful than the words coming out of my mouth. Hopefully I’ll see proof of otherwise soon, and my attitude will change.

Love,
Tyler

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On a bit more positive note, the blog had it's 10,000th hit on April 1, a milestone with which we're very happy.  It has been my goal to reach as many people as possible and to give you a view of the war in Afghanistan from the soldier's viewpoint as well as from a mother's perception, to help people understand the emotions and fears that military families endure, and to get a glimpse into a country and culture that seems centuries behind our own.  I hope through our posts that we've been able to accomplish that mission. 

Please also honor those who have been killed in action.  This was a busy week for the Casualties page having posted eight new names in a one week period.  Please stop to remember these soldiers and their families.

We thank you for allowing us to share this journey with you.

Nancy Davin